Have you ever said to yourself,”this too shall come to pass”?
Did you find it liberating,just saying those words in the midst of a ‘storm in your life’?
When we are young or just naïve,we believe that we can change the
things around us in accordance with our
desires—we believe it because otherwise
we can see no other favourable outcome from our own desire.
We do not think of the outcome which
generally comes to pass and is also
favourable: When we do not succeed in
changing things in accordance with our
desires, gradually our desires
The situation that we hoped to change because it was intolerable becomes unimportant to us.
We have failed to surmount the obstacle, as we were absolutely determined to do, but life has taken us round it, led us beyond it, and then if we turn round to gaze into the distance of the past, we can barely see it, so imperceptible has it become.
And that is what we generally call fate:
Sometimes fate is like a small
sandstorm that keeps changing
You change direction but the sandstorm chases you.
You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.
Because this storm isn’t something that
blew in from far away, something that
has nothing to do with you.
This storm is you.
Something inside of you.
So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand
doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step
There’s no sun there, no moon,no direction, no sense of time.
Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized dry bones.
That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it
through that violent, metaphysical,
No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades.
People will bleed there, and you
will bleed too. Hot, red blood.
You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t
remember how you made it through,how you managed to survive.
You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain:
When you come out of the storm you
won’t be the same person who walked
in. That’s what this storm of change is all about.
And when you are going through this storm of change in your desires,the most important things are the hardest to say.
They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out.
But it’s more than that, isn’t it?
The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away.
And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.
That’s the worst, I think.
When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.
Even love cannot escape the storm of change.
You think because she doesn’t love you
that you are worthless.
You think that because she doesn’t want you anymore that she is right — that her judgement and opinion of you are correct.
If she throws you out, then you are garbage.
You think she belongs to you because you
want to belong to her.
It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’
Especially when you put it with somebody you love.
Love shouldn’t be like that.
Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain?
They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds.
But you know what?
You go up top and what do you see? Mountain’s head.
The clouds never cover the head.
The head pokes through, beacuse the clouds let it; they don’t wrap it up.
They let the mountain keep its head
up high, free, with nothing to hide it
or bind it,except when seen from a distance.
You can’t own a human being.
And so You can’t lose what you don’t own.
Suppose you did own her.
Could you really love somebody who was
absolutely nobody without you?
You really want somebody like that?
Somebody who falls apart when you
walk out the door?
You don’t, do you?
And neither does she.
You’re turning over your whole life to her. Your whole life, to a girl.
And if it means so little to you that
you can just give it away, hand it to her,
then why should it mean any more to
She can’t value you more than you
I think we are well-advised to keep on
nodding terms with the people we used
to be, whether we find them attractive
company or not. Otherwise they turn up
unannounced and surprise us, come
hammering on the mind’s door at 4 a.m.
of a bad night and demand to know who
deserted them, who betrayed them, who
is going to make amends. We forget all
too soon the things we thought we could
never forget. We forget the loves and the
betrayals alike, forget what we
whispered and what we screamed,
forget who we were.
I once loved a pretty girl,who was far beyond my league.
And tore my heart apart.
I wanted so badly to lie down next to
her on the couch, to wrap my arms
around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in
those movies. Not even have sex. Just
sleep together in the most innocent
sense of the phrase. But I lacked the
courage and she had a boyfriend and I
was gawky and she was gorgeous and I
was hopelessly boring and she was
endlessly fascinating. So I walked back
to my room and collapsed on the bottom
bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I
was drizzle and she was hurricane.
But I tried, didn’t I? Goddamnit, at least
I did that.
But it too came to pass.
And like many other storms in my life, it didn’t kill me.
So if you are going to try anything in this life,If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start. This could
mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives
and maybe even your mind. It could
mean not eating for three or four days.
It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail. It could mean
derision. It could mean mockery–
isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the
others are a test of your endurance, of
how much you really want to do it. And,
you’ll do it, despite rejection and the
worst odds. And it will be better than
anything else you can imagine. If you’re
going to try, go all the way. There is no
other feeling like that. You will be alone
with the gods, and the nights will flame
with fire. You will ride life straight to
perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight
Like a girl I met who kept saying-..
But I’m going to be very careful if I ever fall in love again;
I will be very careful the next time I fall
in love, she told herself. Also, she had
made a promise to herself that she
intended on keeping. She was never
going to go out with another writer: no
matter how charming, sensitive,
inventive or fun they could be. They
weren’t worth it in the long run. They
were emotionally too expensive and the
upkeep was complicated. They were like
having a vacuum cleaner around the
house that broke all the time and only
Einstein could fix it. She wanted her next
lover to be a broom.
Usually we walk around constantly
believing ourselves. “I’m okay” we say.
“I’m alright”. But sometimes the truth
arrives on you and you can’t get it off.
That’s when you realize that sometimes
it isn’t even an answer–it’s a question.
Even now, I wonder how much of my life
Reality too,actually, changes through the storms of our lifes.
I never believed in Santa Claus. None of
us kids did. Mom and Dad refused to let
us. They couldn’t afford expensive
presents and they didn’t want us to think
we weren’t as good as other kids who, on
Christmas morning, found all sorts of
fancy toys under the tree that were
supposedly left by Santa Claus.
Dad had lost his job at the gypsum, and
when Christmas came that year, we had
no money at all. On Christmas Eve, Dad
took each one of us kids out into the
desert night one by one.
“Pick out your favorite star”, Dad said.
“I like that one!” I said.
Dad grinned, “that’s Venus”, he said. He
explained to me that planets glowed
because reflected light was constant and
stars twinkled because their light
“I like it anyway” I said.
“What the hell,” Dad said. “It’s
Christmas. You can have a planet if you
And he gave me Venus.
Venus didn’t have any moons or
satellites or even a magnetic field, but it
did have an atmosphere sort of similar
to Earth’s, except it was super hot-about
500 degrees or more. “So,” Dad said,
“when the sun starts to burn out and
Earth turns cold, everyone might want to
move to Venus to get warm. And they’ll
have to get permission from your
We laughed about all the kids who
believed in the Santa myth and got
nothing for Christmas but a bunch of
cheap plastic toys. “Years from now,
when all the junk they got is broken and
long forgotten,” Dad said, “you’ll still
have your stars.