I’m spiraling. I’m floating. I’m spinning. I’m
losing sight of you and your love in my life. I
keep trying to stay focused on the person
I’m supposed to be, the person you’ve
created me to be, but right now I just feel
so lost.
I need your help.
I don’t know when this all began—the
feeling of separation from you, the fear, the
exhaustion, the struggle to just get out of
bed in the morning, the hopelessness when
it comes to my purpose, my place in the
universe. I used to be so put together. I
used to get up and feel like I was on top of
the world. I used to exude confidence, self-
assurance, security because I knew I was on
the right track.
I used to feel your presence in my every
movement; I was so determined, maybe
even a little prideful because I felt like I was
doing all I was supposed to be doing.
And now I’m just sitting here, staring out
the window, wondering how to conjure up
those feelings again, wondering if I’m too
far gone for you to bring me back to you.
But that’s silly isn’t it? Silly for me to
doubt in the moment I need you the
most. Silly to think that for a second
you’d abandon me, even though my
existence is so small in the big scheme of
things. Because you haven’t. Because you
won’t.
You’ve been here for me, countless times
before. Every moment I questioned your
presence, you brought something into my
life that showed me I was never alone.
Every second I found myself slipping, you
put your arms around me and pulled me
back into your grace.
So why is it that now I’m doubting again?
God, I need a reminder of who I am and
where I’m going. I need a reminder of
who you are and have always been. I
need a reminder of the powerful, loving
Savior I serve and the incredible things
He’s forever doing in the lives of those
who follow Him.
I know I’m being foolish, letting my human
insecurities and fears cloud my mind. I
know I’m being foolish, thinking that I’m so
far away from your light I won’t be able to
find my way back. I know I’m being foolish,
thinking that you don’t love me or that I’m
lost and will never be found.
It’s just so hard when the rest of the world
keeps spinning—no matter what I try to do,
I always feel three steps behind.
But you remind me that what the rest of
the world is doing is not of my concern. I
don’t need to measure up, to fit, to be
‘on track’ by human standards; I need to
be right where you want me to be. I am
right where you want me to be. And I
need to trust that you’re in control,
leading me through this season of doubt.
I need to trust that you are my God, and no
matter what I’m feeling on the inside, no
matter what’s happening around me, no
matter how hopeless or lost I feel, you’re
here with me. And you’re not going
anywhere.
So please calm my heart. Give me deep
breaths and clear thoughts. When I start to
worry, remind me of your word. When I
start to question, show me answers and the
will to keep moving, even if I feel at a
standstill.
Bring me light when I’m in darkness and a
path to follow when I feel like I’m
wandering in circles. When doors close in
front of me, give me new ones to open.
When people walk away, give me courage to
seek out relationships that both build me,
and honor you.
When I don’t know who I am anymore,
tell me that I am yours.
And in this crazy world, that’s all I want to
be.
Please remind me, each time that I forget.
AMEN.

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