It is a beautiful day. The kind of day that
feels full of possibilities. The sun shines in
the cornflower blue firmament, birdsong
fills the air as the scent of grass, flowers and
optimism hangs heavy. You stand at your
window and look out across the view of
your well-tended garden and then the fields
beyond, stretching away to the hills in the
distance. Your time is your own and you
stand considering not only what you will do
this gorgeous day but what is next for you
and your life. What direction will you take it
in? Where will your steer your good ship to?
There have been some stormy waters in the
past but you navigated them and jettisoned
that unnecessary cargo which threatened to
sink you and here you are now with so
many choices, so many options and
opportunities available to you, unhindered
by others that may seek to impose their
own values and decisions on to you. You are
freedom personified although you must
admit there are times when you would
welcome someone to share this
unparalleled freedom with, but there is no
rush to achieve this. It will happen when it
happens, you believe in such things. As you
continue to look out across the view, the
telephone rings and you break off from
your thoughts to answer the telephone.
“Hello,” you declare into the receiver. You
hear a voice, clear, confident, warm and
strangely inviting, speaking to you.
“Hello, I am Mr Saul Mate calling from
Somnium Incorporated and I just wanted to
let you know that I am able to deliver
whatever you require twenty-four hours a
day, 365 days a year. Remember it is all
about you. Thank you for your continued
The call ends.
You smile and replace the receiver. It rings
again and you answer.
“Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from Somnium
Incorporated. Please remember I am by
your side even when I am not there and I
am always ready to attend to anything you
require. What you need, I provide. Thank
you for your continued custom.”
The call ends again and as you stand
contemplating this call there is the ping of a
message on your mobile phone. You replace
the landline receiver and walk over to where
your mobile rests on the sideboard. You
pick it up and see you have a text message
from a number that you do not recognise.
You open the message nevertheless.
“Somnium Incorporated – taking you to a
new level in the provision of delight and
The landline rings again and you mutter as
you answer.
“Yes?” “Hello, Mr Saul Mate calling from
Somnium Incorporated. We have
undertaken an extensive profiling
exercising which puts us in the optimum
position to understand all your needs and
most importantly satisfy them. Every.
Single. Time. Thank you for your continued
“Look, I haven’t ordered anything from
you,” you protest but the line goes dead.
Another message arrives on your ‘phone.
“Somnium Incorporated – just say it and
you will have it. Heaven awaits when you let
us take care of you.”
There is a noise from your laptop and you
replace the receiver and walk to the
computer to find an e-mail from
“Dear Customer, we just wanted to let you
know how much we adore looking after
your every need. You are very special to us
in fact you are the only one we want to
“What is going on?” you ask yourself aloud.
Your ‘phone pings again and the sound of
an e-mail arriving rings out. You are about
to look at these messages when your
doorbell rings.
“What now?” you mutter.
You open your front door to find a courier
stood there holding a huge bouquet of
“Good morning miss, delivery for Miss
Victoria Tim,” he smiles. He hands you the
bouquet and walks away. There is a card
attached and you read it.
“For you dear customer who we will always
serve and provide for no matter what –
Somnium Inc.”
You carry the flowers inside which are
admittedly beautiful as you hear something
being shoved through your letterbox. You
place the flowers down and return to the
door to see several flyers in different styles
and colours have been pushed through
your letterbox. All of them are from
Somnium Inc. and contain a variety of
promises, declarations and plaudits
concerning you and them. The doorbell
rings and you pull the door open in
irritation, still clutching the flyers. You can
hear your landline ringing again and the
repeated pinging of your mobile phone and
chime of your laptop. A different courier
stands at the door this time with a parcel
which he hands to you.
“Victoria Tim?” he asks and you nod.
“Just sign here please,” he says with a smile
and pushes the signing device towards you.
You oblige and he wishes you a lovely day as
you retreat inside with the parcel which
bears a tag.
“From Somnium Inc. to our best and most
wonderful customer, we want to serve you
You shake your head and put the parcel
down to answer the landline.
“Hello, Mr Saul Mate here just calling to
remind you how special you are to us and
how we will only ever have your best
interests at heart.” The doorbell rings again.
“Stop calling this number!” you shout and
slam the phone down. You snatch up your
mobile and see 25 messages have arrived all
from the same number. You glance at a
couple of the messages.
“We just wanted to let you know that we
have never had a customer like you before.
You are unique in every way and we just
want to give you everything you deserve –
Somnium Inc.
“We have never felt this way about one of
our customers before it is like we have been
sent from corporate heaven to make you
happy forever – Somnium Inc.”
The landline rings again but you ignore it.
You can hear more chiming from your
laptop and you see that your inbox is filling
with e-mails from the same source; You let out a
cry as the doorbell rings once again and
flinging the door open, phone ringing in the
background you are confronted by a line of
couriers who snake down your pathway and
onto the road beyond. They are all carrying
items such as flowers, parcels, baskets,
balloons and such like.
“Delivery for Miss Victoria Tim,” they all
announce in unison and provide you with a
winning smile and a wink of the eye.
“Go away!” you shout, ” I do not want them.
I don’t have anything to do with Somnium
You slam the door and march back into the
living room as the landline keeps on ringing,
your mobile pings incessantly and the
chiming coming from your laptop will not
stop. More flyers land on the doormat as
you fling your mobile to one side, placing
your hands over your ears trying to drown
out this cacophony but to no avail. You hear
a loud knocking at your front door as the
chiming, ringing and pinging continues. You
curse and wait. You consider going to the
internet to find the details about this
company Somnium Inc. and Mr Saul Mate
in readiness of making a complaint. This is
harassment. No company should be acting
in this fashion and anyhow, where did they
get your details from? How did they know
your telephone numbers, e-mail address
and residential address? You never gave
them out. The knocking at the door
continues and you stomp to the front door.
“I said I – ” you begin as you wrench the
door open expecting to find the line of
waiting couriers but there is nobody there.
Your eyes look down to the doormat on
your porch floor and there is crisp white
calling card with black embossed letters.
You stoop and snatch it up, the din of
ringing and alerts seeming to fade as your
attention is drawn by this card. You read it.
“Sorry we missed you, we will call again.”
The name Saul Mate is in one corner and
Somnium Inc. is another corner. You look
across the lawn but there is nobody there.
You go to the front gate and look left and
right along the avenue but it is empty.
If any company or organisation treated, you
in this manner you would complain. This
behaviour is our calling card and you not
only embrace it but you want it. And you
call us the twisted ones?
We just want to be your soul mate,and we are relentless about it!