You don’t become a father unless a woman is kind enough to grant you the honour of siring a child with her(not so in case of rape!).

Then she throws you on a tail spin.
The mother of this child then becomes
difficult to live with.

She makes financial and emotional demands you cannot meet.
You start seeing you have no future as a couple.

You separate.

You demand to spend time with your daughter, to bond with her like
father and daughter but mother would
have none of it.

She demands you pay bride wealth to her parents and take her a wife.

She insists you visit the altar and sign the
dotted lines.

You prevaricate, being in severe financial

But you send money to her frequently for the child’s upkeep.

You also send money to members of her family to help keep in good stead.

Her demands increase.

You long to see your daughter frequently.

She baulks and becomes increasingly abusive.

She isn’t working so she needs more financial assistance from you.

You begin to think she considers you an ATM; as such, available to her beck and call to be skimmed for cash.

You resists her onslaught.

You get vilified and ostracised.

You are banished from seeing your daughter.

You are a deadbeat dad, a worthless sperm donor, a no-do-gooder creating toxic cellular mayhem in society
at large.

You re-trace your steps, seek
rapprochement with her and her family.

She does not relent in her demands.

You have to provide this, that and the other for the child or else…

You call in Social Services to intervene.

They plead with her to be reasonable.

She curses, cries, gnashes her teeth and insists her demands be met.

They tell her she’s trying the father’s patience.

They wonder how you can manage to have so much patience.

Both mother and father leave
Social Services unresolved.

You call your child to say I love you.

The child,in a rehearsed voice says she despises you and drops the

What can the mother be feeding
the child, you ask? She’s only four
years old. Where is she learning hatred

You continue to rack your brain to no

You remain undecided as to how to solve the problem.

Sometimes,the mother allows you to speak with their child. Sometimes
she doesn’t.

Your requests for visits are met
with the same attitude.

The child remains ambivalent towards you, wavering between love and hate.

You fear her young mind is being poisoned.

Your heart breaks over the mental

Perhaps you’d better withdraw completely to spare everyone further heartache.

Sometimes you do not call or visit for months.

You fear you are becoming what you had always dreaded most : a deadbeat dad.

The years drift by.

The mother insists you can’t want the child and not want her too.

This is a serious bone of contention.

You must desire her enough in order to be with yourr child.

She refuses to budge from her demands that you pay ‘damages’,
Bride wealth and sign the dotted lines with her.
You have long since stopped loving her.
She senses this and uses your child as a

You feel helpless and resent the

You eventually cave in to this

You drift away from your

Their child becomes a young woman
full of resentment for you.

You had abandoned her.

You failed to fight for her.

You haven’t been there at the crucial
moments of her life.
Her mind had been filled with bitter tales
about your absence.

Your absence is both a life sentence and an indictment.
Nothing can assuage the pain, the sense
of betrayal and abandonment.

To her, her mother,and the rest of the world, you will always be, and remain a deadbeat dad.