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Sunday,the day tomorrow, is Father’s Day.
Kids are fun.
Fatherhood is fun on a good day.
On other days you don’t know what the hell you are doing.
Here are the things about fatherhood that surprise me, amuse me, annoy me, make me happy, or plain baffle me.

¤WHEN THEY LOOK LIKE YOU…

And people notice because what good is that when nobody notices?

My daughter (she’s thirty five now,don’t tell her I told you her real age!) started off looking like me, but now she looks like her mom.

I don’t know who she will look like in another five years but I’m holding my breath.

Fatherhood is great when someone says that your kid is a spitting image of you.

“You can’t even say they are not yours!” they will say and you will be like, “No? Damn, just when I was thinking of
denying them!”

¤WHEN THEY ACT UP

At age two they get possessed by the devil. It’s like they joined a cult at night.

They throw things around.

They cross their hands on their chest and
sulk.
They cry and throw a tantrum. Psychologists say that the stage passes, but then again psychologists live on guesswork because that stage never passes;
At my age,I sometimes I throw things about and throw a tantrum.

¤WHEN THEY CALL YOU “PAPA” OR
“DADDY”

You never quite get used to be being called “daddy”. Wasn’t it just yesterday you were a boy yourself? Now you are someone’s daddy and suddenly someone is calling you their father.

It’s surreal. Sometimes you feel so ill-equipped to be a father, you feel
like someone who got a job because he knew someone higher up in the company and he is afraid that someone will call him out as a fraud.

¤WHEN THEY FALL SICK

And you take them to see a doctor and they don’t get well.

Then you take them to see another doctor and they still don’t get well.
Then,as any other caring father, you decide to take them to see a medicine man you know from your village of birth… no, you don’t, but you certainly think about it seriously.

When they are sick and their fever keeps coming and going and they stop playing and throwing things about and laughing, you feel helpless and you miss them.

But then they get better and they
put peas and waru (potatoes) in the DVD player…

¤WHEN THEY ASK WHY,ALL THE TIME

I think the best part is that stage when they ask “why?” incessantly.

For example, when you say:
That is a policeman, he arrests bad people.
“Why?” Because bad people need to be arrested.
“And where do they go?” To the jail.
“Can I see?” The jail? No, it’s not allowed.
“Why?” Because that’s what the government of Kenya says. “

Who is the Government of Kenya?”
Serikali,you say.

“Where do they stay?” The Government of Kenya? Oh, many places but you can find them on a big building in town. “Do they have TV in their house?” No,
but they have teargas. “What is teargas?”

Ask CORD,they have a first hand experience with teargas.
“And who is CORD?”

And it can go on and on like that until the
cows come home.

THEN THEY STOP TALKING TO YOU….
Especially girls. They will start growing older and becoming their own person.

They will decide how they want to wear their hair, where they want to eat, what colour of shoes they want.

Then sometimes they will just not feel like talking and you can’t force them, so you wait for them to be sunny again.

¤WHEN THEY ARE EMBARRASSED ABOUT
YOU

I hear it gets to a point where they think you are an embarrassment. A loser. A deadbeat dad. A tormentor to their dear mum.

When you stop being cool and they don’t want their friends to know you are their
father because you wear awful clothes.

And you speak funny and have a dated hairstyle.

So they say you are their uncle from the village.

When that day comes,I will commit myself into a home for the abandoned.

¤WHEN THEY GO

Because they do.

They become people with ambitions and ideals. They will turn vegetarian. Or
vegan. Or they will start questioning religion. Or why you,a loser, are their father.

Then before long, they have finished school and they are gone to their
own nests.

Then you can’t shape them again, and it’s like the end of a project.

So you sit there and wonder what
you can do with your time and all the advice you still have left.

But the worst part isn’t even when
they leave,it is when they decide that you were never the right man for their mum,and they chase you away from “their” home,and you have to learn a new meaning of the world “obsolete”.

But still,being a dad is worth a try; who knows,you might just turn out as a good dad to your children,but don’t count on it;fatherhood,unlike motherhood, is a very underwhelming experience to most men.

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