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“A man should be able to hear, and to bear, the worst
that could be said of him.” –Saul Bellow

{This Post is inspired by a very personal experience that cannot be detailed in this forum,but it is a good learning experience that should be shared with others all the same}

What
would I do if I heard my name being maligned or
misrepresented?

In the past I would have confronted that person and
asked for an explanation or I would have gotten
extremely upset, cried and tried to offer my own view
point.

Today I would do no such thing.

Why?

Because I understand that by focusing on something that
does not feel good I am fanning the very fire that
needs to simmer down.

Confrontation or reaction will
aggravate the burning flame.

But suppressing that
emotion will also leave me to fester.

So what am I to do?

First, I need to step away from
the situation and try and see the whole
picture.

Sometimes a good photograph appears only
when taken from a distance.

I need to understand
that everyone wants to be happy.

Sometimes, for a
person to feel good about herself or himself, she or
he makes others look bad.

Our world is full of contrasts: good and bad, up and
down, pretty or ugly, black or white, and many other
polarities.

In order for someone to feel good they may
need to make someone feel bad.

This is extremely
flawed but remains one of the ways someone can
delude himself or herself into feeling better.

If I have clear understanding of who I really am,
another person’s opinion will not affect me.

If someone was to say that I am a
one eyed monster, or a three legged alien I doubt I
would react.

I know for a fact I am not of the alien
species.

I could be an alien but I don’t have three legs
so that is ruled out.

My ex may want to think and tell everyone who cares to listen that I am a
monster, but that is her opinion!

I can understand the pain that makes her say that,especially if i am the one that scorned her!

Because I am sure about who or what I am, the
opinion of others about me will not affect me.

If i doubt my own integrity or lack faith in myself,
another person’s opinion will matter to me.

The problem arises when we feel betrayed by our own
inner selves.

We feel bad when we feel that we were
wrong in our judgment of another.

We feel let down
not so much by another but by our own inner being.

That is all because we trusted them with a few of our personal secrets when we in good terms.

But now we know better; in hindsight,we can easily tell that they were never worth our trust.

That is one reason among many others why we chucked them out of our lives.

By allowing another person’s opinion of us to matter
so much, we are giving away our own power.

This feeling of helplessness bothers us more than the
other person’s slander.

No wonder we feel miserable.

Quantum physics is the branch of physics that tells
us our universe is created by our conscious
thoughts.

If our thoughts are dominated by thoughts
of sadness, anger, confrontation, and revenge, that is
exactly what will keep showing up in our lives.

In order for us to move away from these toxins, we need
to shift our focus towards uplifting thoughts.

Instead of dwelling on the several people who are
badmouthing you, start focusing on the people who
love you, who are there for you and will go the extra mile for you.

If for any reason you feel alone,always
remember that you really are never alone: you have
your inner being with you and that inner being is
always in a state of bliss.

Any negative emotion is an indication of inner
misalignment and not necessarily a reflection of what
is being said.

Think of a time when you were feeling
great about yourself, at that time even if someone
said something horrible it did not leave a lasting
impression, but if at anytime you were feeling
horrible or low about yourself even the slightest nag
was enough to severely upset you.

So was it the
other person’s words or your own inner state that
determined your reaction?

Almost always, it is not the situation that upsets us
but our interpretation of the situation based on our
inner state.

So next time you hear someone bad
mouthing you, look within your own self and see how
you see yourself.

If you are feeling confident and
happy, bad personal situations will not disturb you as
much as it would if you were feeling unfulfilled.

Next time you hear someone bad mouthing you, just
remember that they have no other way of feeling
good about themselves so they have to indulge in
slander and gossip just to feel good.

So allow them to
have their moment of joy and you rejoice in the fact
that you are important enough for them to spend
time talking about you.

As Mark Twain said: “The
only thing worse than being talked about is not being
talked about!”

It is also helpful to ponder the following words from the Zen Master;”If life gives you nothing
you want and is not on your own terms, would you
still have the generosity to show up for it?”

Just some random thoughts that came to my mind….

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